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Thursday 8 February 2018

Fifty Shades Freed Review

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The Fifty Shades movies are less like movies and more like Sharper Image catalogues, but with a lot more sex in them. The characters are so feeble, and their stories are so inconsequential, that everything that would usually make a movie interesting becomes window dressing for… well, the window dressings.

Ornate bathtubs, lavish beds, a frying pan that even an amateur chef would kill for, fancy cars and even fancier aircraft. Fifty Shades Freed, like all the other films in this series, is so obsessed with the protagonists’ affluent, enviable lifestyle that whenever the characters actually talk it feels like somebody owes the montages an apology for interrupting.

And yet it’s hard to enjoy even the superficial allure of the Fifty Shades movies, because evidently the price of every single product you could ever possibly ask for is a creepy boyfriend no one could ever possibly want.

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